Broken
by KeepMovingForward
Summary: The Girl Who was on Fire is now afraid of fire because it was fire that took so many lives, fire that took her loved ones. A sad story about Katniss and being broken.
1. Broken

Author's Note: So this is kind of like a one-shot because unless I get enough reviews I won't continue it soooo….review, review, REVIEW! Enjoy!

Katniss: 

My smile no longer shows all my teeth, my laugh no longer sounds like a bell. Everyone's memory of me is fading, yet my own memory burns in the back of my mind. The Girl Who Was on Fire is now hates fire, fears it because it was fire that took so many lives, fire that took her loved ones. The girl who everyone else once looked to for strength now looks to everyone else for strength to go on. The girl I was once knew is now broken, and only the shattered pieces of her are left. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. All I know is that I am broken…the person I once was is lost. Taken by the fire.


	2. Not Healing

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.**

Before, I'd thought I was invincible. I had it all figured out. My future was predictable, I could do it. Now, I'm lost and I don't know where I'm going. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I swear the face I see isn't my own. Its so pale, with sunken in eyes and cheeks that are stained from all the tears. The gray eyes that used to shine with laughter are just a stormy gray, hidden and lonely.

I can't say that Peeta is much better. He's lost a lot of weight and his dark blue eyes come across more pale blue now. I don't see him much anymore, he's always in the shop decorating cakes and when he's not doing that, he's painting all the horrid scenes from the games. He used to show them to me, but after a while the nightmares got worse as the graphic scenes haunted my mind. He never showed them to me again. He's healing though, every day he's just a little bit better.

Not like me, I don't think I'll ever heal. Not after Prim died. Sometimes I wonder if all this was worth it. I question my own actions. I ask myself why I did it. The answer is always to protect Prim. Then I ask myself, if you'd known she would die anyways, would you have done it? My own answer scares me. The truth is, I don't really know.

At least I can be grateful for not ending up like Haymitch, who died a drunk. I might be broken but no one but Peeta sees it. Gale hasn't been around since after the war. He'd gotten an offer in District Two, when he asked me to come with him I'd hesitated, and then he knew. He knew who was holding me back, even when I denied it. We haven't spoken since. My mother is working all day and most of the night at the hospitals all over the districts, she's one of the best healers around. I miss her and we've managed to keep in touch. She worries for me but I brush it off. I lie and tell her I'm getting better.

District Twelve's population has dwindled down to almost nothing now too. It's scary how it's all changed. The games, the rebellion, the war leaving so many people broken. People ask me what it was like for me and I can't begin to tell them. They wouldn't understand. They didn't see what I saw, they didn't feel what I felt. They didn't live what I lived.


	3. Fuel to the Fire

Sorry there hasn't been an update in a while. I've been super busy and focusing on my softball but now that it's summer I'll be able to write more.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, if I did I wouldn't be here right now. Duh.

But then there's that other part of me. The part that reminds me that it _was _worth it. Panem needed a fresh start, and in a way I helped give the people that. A new, better way to live. No more destruction, no more games. I might be broken and the country may not be healed yet but in the end, in the end every moment I spent fighting for my life, every moment I spent fighting for my freedom…for other's freedom. It was all worth it. Even though I lost Prim in the end, I know that she would have wanted me to do this…to free these people. They deserved it. She was always so compassionate when it came to others.

That's how I know she would have wanted this. That's how I know that somewhere she's smiling down on this country, she's proud of it too. She knows that she helped accomplish this, even if her role wasn't as big as mine. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm in a way proud of what I did. Proud of the way I helped these people. They were so strong and brave. Following without hesitation even though they knew if we lost the consequences would be worst than the Games. So much worse.

The people of Panem followed me. But I learned so much from them. Sometimes you think you've faced a hardship and then you meet someone who's been through a whole lot worse than you have. That's when you have to face yourself and say 'pull it together'. That's when you have to stop dwelling on your own past and pushing forward for others. I know Prim wouldn't have wanted me to be like this. I know my father wouldn't have wanted me to be like this, that Peeta and my mother don't want me to be like this.

Slowly, I'm starting to pick up the pieces and put them back together. I know that Panem may not be finished with me yet. We still aren't where we should be, but all they need is a little jumpstart. I'm going to give them that jumpstart, I owe them that much.

Through the pain and the suffering one can still fight on. Some fires shall never extinguish, and I won't be put out. At least, not yet.


End file.
